So. Things are going well, for the most part. I’ve gotten myself organized, I worked out 5 days this week. I’ve been eating better (mostly – I did down a burrito and a 32 oz margarita last night). I bought new vape juice so I can quit smoking (again). And I’ve made the decision that I’m going to dye my hair blue. Well, dark blue since I have dark brown hair. But still. Blue hair.
My mood has very much been up this week. Not like manic or hypomanic up, but still really good. I’ve gotten a ton of stuff done, I’ve been as social as I’m able to under the circumstances, I feel really good about myself. Everything in my planner and daily to do list got done this week. Everyone and everything is taken care of. Being productive like this makes me feel like less of a lump, which definitely helps my mental health. I was thinking this week that I haven’t had a therapy session since like, November. But do I really have that much to talk about right now? I’m managing everything pretty well. I’ve mostly learned how to deal with negative or intrusive thoughts, and honestly haven’t had any in awhile. I still monitor my mood every day, but overall it’s been pretty damn good. I’m starting to learn what being in a good mood and being productive looks like when it’s not tied to hypomania. It’s been hard to learn that feeling good does not necessarily equal feeling too good.
For years I’ve been scared of feeling good. Feeling good always led to things that weren’t good. So I went years on too much medication that stuck me in a state of total nothingness. But my meds look like they’re finally stable, and I’m feeling the way I should feel. I just hope that this feeling lasts. I worry that all it’s going to take is one thing to bring me down. Here’s to hoping that that isn’t true.
Stay safe everyone!