“Like a picture out of focus, I’m starting to think that I don’t even know who I am anymore. And that feeling – like being sucked out into the vacuum of space without a suit – is the most terrifying of all.” ― Brian McBride, Every Bright and Broken Thing

So following the recent theme of self reflection and personal growth, I have come to the conclusion that in many ways I am who I am expected to be, rather than who I am or even who I want to be. I fight back with quirky accessories and graphic t-shirts, but I feel like it’s time to unleash the real me – the tattooed, pierced, doesn’t fit into the mold me. I want to have blue hair. I want to have a full sleeve tattoo. I want to have a nose ring. I mean, hell, I’m almost 40. Isn’t it time to really be who I want? I should be way past the age of worrying what people thing, what my family thinks, what my husband thinks (which, for the record, he is in support of all of the things).

Over the years, I have slowly broken out of the ideological box I was raised in – Catholic, conservative, don’t rock the boat, be a good girl. I’m an atheist, liberal, push the boundaries, science-loving, weird book reading, sci-fi and fantasy junkie. And I’m starting to learn that there’s nothing wrong with any of this. It’s okay to be me. It’s okay to show the world who I am. It’s taken a long time, but I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t have to fit nicely into the mold people try to place me in. It’s okay to break the mold, shatter it. And give a big middle finger to those that don’t like it.

I think a lot of this has been predicated on the fact that I finally feel accepted. I have friends that support me. My family has, in some sense of the word, given up and just accepted it.

In the words of Rafiki…

It is time.

It’s time to take my place on Pride Rock with all of the freaks and weirdos and people that stand out in the world.

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