Still feeling good. It’s actually starting to get a little concerning. What kind of fucked up life have I lived that feeling good is concerning? I don’t trust good. It doesn’t last. It masks problems. It’s never true, it’s never real.
From talking to friends that struggle with mental illness I’ve found that many of us feel the same way. We don’t trust feeling good. We accept it with trepidation, but we certainly don’t trust it. I think because we’ve all learned that it never lasts, and during the crash looking back at the good just makes you angry and ultimately feel even worse.
That might be the worst part of mental illness. Knowing that the good is fleeting and you may not see it again for months, if not longer. I hate knowing that this won’t last. I try not to focus on it, but it’s always a little voice in the back of my head – enjoy it while it lasts because you know it won’t.
In other news, we got the kittens yesterday. They’re six months old and sweet as can be. We’ve been keeping them in the bathroom until they adjust and we can monitor things. They’re going to start formally meeting the other cats tonight. They got a glimpse of everyone while they were in the carrier and hanging out in the kitchen while we were finishing getting the bathroom ready. So far so good.
I’ve got another two days off from work. These first two have been productive. I’m hoping to finish everything on the list by tomorrow so Sunday I can relax and play video games, read, and play with cats all day. I’ll post a weekly wrap up sometime this week. I’m sure you’re all sick of me ruminating on feeling good. I really have to brainstorm and research some things to talk about – things that are important to me that I want to shed light on. Maybe that’ll get put on the agenda for Sunday, as well.
In the meantime, stay safe, friends!