new me

Body image

I have a very negative body image. I’m sure that by all rights I have a fairly average build, but all I see is imperfections. I spend a lot of time weighing and logging the food that I eat, designing meals that fit into my day without going over numbers while still trying to enjoy them, either going to the gym after a long hard day at work or working out at home, generally trying to build a better me.

I say that I want to look better, be healthier, try to avoid the health problems that plague my family. But at the end of the day, I really want to be able to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. I worry sometimes that I’m cruising down the road of an eating disorder. Will I see reality once I’ve lost the weight and put on the muscle and be able to be happy with myself? Or will it never be enough? Maybe the fact that I worry about this is proof enough that this won’t be a problem. But I don’t buy it. I can see myself still picking out the imperfections.

At the end of the day, I care a lot about my appearance. For a lot of years I didn’t care how I looked. Now I’ve gone the other way completely. Maybe I care too much.

I don’t know. Maybe it’s 1:30 in the morning and I just need to go to bed.

2 thoughts on “Body image

  1. I think it makes a difference whether you’re hoping that changing your body will make you happy with yourself on the outside or on the inside. On the outside is a possibility; on the inside is highly unlikely.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re exactly right. Being thin or toned or whatever doesn’t change who you are. I’m just more worried that I have a distorted view of my own body that I’ll always find something wrong because I’m not seeing the truth.

      Liked by 1 person

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