I saw my new doctor today. It went surprisingly well. I liked her. We talked a lot about the bipolar symptoms and my experiences, and then we dove down into ADHD and anxiety. She wants to medically treat both – what I had been attributing to break-through bipolar symptoms, are actually the other two. She feels that the ADHD is the bigger minor problem so we’re going to tackle that first and then the anxiety. She pointed out that often times once we get a mood disorder stabilized and under control, there are always a number of other problems that show their faces. Mainly because the mood disorder masked everything else, or made it seem like those symptoms were part of the MD. I never thought about it that way.
I’ve been reticent about medically treating either one of these disorders because I don’t like the idea of heavy medication. But she convinced me to at least try it at a low dose and see how I feel. She thinks that I’ll be much better off if both of these things are treated so I can work on them in therapy. When you put it that way, I don’t disagree. So, I’ll give it a shot and see how it goes. She agrees that heavy medication isn’t the way to go, but I shouldn’t have to live with the symptoms if there’s a way of treating them.
Never thought about it that way.
I guess in a lot of ways my views on treatment are colored by some of the experiences I had early on – I had three different doctors when I was in my late teens-early 20s that wanted to heavily medicate me. I tried it each time, but I was like a zombie each time. I hated every moment of it. That’s no way to live. I was alive, but wasn’t living. Each of those times I went off of my meds and swore off treatment.
It’s nice to see that the prevailing thought in modern psychiatry has gone the other way and thinks the less medication the better.
It’s funny, I still have an inherent distrust of the psychiatric community. I need them, but I don’t really trust them. Truth be told, I have distrust towards most of the medical community. When it comes to doctors, I tend to try to find one that I can trust and work with them and stick with them until the bitter end. I hate changing docs of any kind – PCP, psychiatrist, therapist, orthopedist, whatever.
But at the end of the day I want to feel better. I want to live a normal life. And this is the best way to go about doing it.
But yeah, appointment went well.