mental health

I’m still kind of in awe

It’s still amazing to me how well this medication is working. I told Mike last night that it’s like being manic without the manic part. My focus is unreal. Is this how normal people life? Why did I fight this for so long? I think it’s in part because my old psychiatrist didn’t feel like this was a big deal. But I think I was also minimizing my symptoms and the effect it was having on me. I tend to minimalize or trivialize things, even to myself, arguing that they’re really not that bad. I’m coming to realize that that’s often in detriment to my own well being and treatment.

But seriously – is this how normal people feel? My thoughts aren’t as much of a jumble, my thinking is clearer, and I’m getting shit done. It’s no longer a struggle to complete even the most menial task. I can knuckle down, focus, and do it.

I’ve got high hopes that this is going to work. I’m still on the lookout for any signs that it might be throwing me a little manic, but so far, so good. I’m sleeping really well (maybe a little too well, but it’s not like I didn’t have problems waking up in the morning before the medication), and I’m actually waking up rested and ready to tackle the day.

I’ve started to research things to work on in therapy. It’s slow going, but I’m starting to get some ideas. This has caused a lot of self reflection – what are the things that I don’t like about myself that I can change? My insecurities, my reactions to situations, etc. What are the things about my mental health that we can work on? Anxiety triggers, looking deep down into signs that trouble is on the horizon. What do I struggle with? Acceptance, relationships, trust. See? I’m making some progress.

Work this weekend is going to be nuts. I’m battening down the hatches in preparation. I work Sunday evening, as well, but I have the feeling it’s going to drastically slow down on Sunday once we get into the afternoon and people start going to parties and getting ready for fireworks. People aren’t going to be spending their holiday at the grocery store.

That’s it for me today. I hope that everyone has a great weekend and a good holiday. Stay safe, and don’t lose any fingers!

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