I noticed something interesting today. I’m very self conscious about the way I look. From my weight to the way I dress to how I do my hair. I’m very aware of my weight, especially (if you haven’t figured that out by now, I can’t help you lol).
There’s always a but. I have no problem stripping down and completely changing out of my work clothes into my work out clothes in the gym locker room. I wonder why that is. I do it without a thought. Maybe it’s because I assume that anyone that’s in that locker room is there for a similar reason that I am – lose weight, get healthy. You’d think someone with as many hang-ups as I have about my appearance that wouldn’t be a thing that I did without thought. But there it is that’s exactly what I did today. It was an odd moment realizing all of this.
One of the reasons that I’m so aware of how I looks is because I assume that I’m being judged constantly. I’m very uncomfortable in my own skin. Yes, I exercise and count macros and whatnot to get healthy, but for me? Honestly, that’s secondary. Important, yes, but not the most important to me, even if it is what I tell other people.
I don’t like how I look, and I assume that I’m perceived a certain way because of it.
And I hate that about myself. I’m well aware that my opinion of myself might not change even if I hit my target weight. I know that you’re supposed to love yourself no matter what, blah blah blah. But how many people actually do? And how many of those people just say they do because that’s what you’re supposed to do as a strong, modern woman. I wonder how many of those women are lying through their teeth?
That’s all I’ve got in me tonight. I hope everyone is having a great week. See you Wednesday!