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The gym locker room

I noticed something interesting today. I’m very self conscious about the way I look. From my weight to the way I dress to how I do my hair. I’m very aware of my weight, especially (if you haven’t figured that out by now, I can’t help you lol).

But.

There’s always a but. I have no problem stripping down and completely changing out of my work clothes into my work out clothes in the gym locker room. I wonder why that is. I do it without a thought. Maybe it’s because I assume that anyone that’s in that locker room is there for a similar reason that I am – lose weight, get healthy. You’d think someone with as many hang-ups as I have about my appearance that wouldn’t be a thing that I did without thought. But there it is that’s exactly what I did today. It was an odd moment realizing all of this.

One of the reasons that I’m so aware of how I looks is because I assume that I’m being judged constantly. I’m very uncomfortable in my own skin. Yes, I exercise and count macros and whatnot to get healthy, but for me? Honestly, that’s secondary. Important, yes, but not the most important to me, even if it is what I tell other people.

I don’t like how I look, and I assume that I’m perceived a certain way because of it.

And I hate that about myself. I’m well aware that my opinion of myself might not change even if I hit my target weight. I know that you’re supposed to love yourself no matter what, blah blah blah. But how many people actually do? And how many of those people just say they do because that’s what you’re supposed to do as a strong, modern woman. I wonder how many of those women are lying through their teeth?

That’s all I’ve got in me tonight. I hope everyone is having a great week. See you Wednesday!

2 thoughts on “The gym locker room

  1. I have this same problem, assuming that everyone is judging me based on my appearance or my actions. I know it’s not true all the time, but I behave and feel as if it were true 100% of the time. My therapist tells me I need to accept all of my flaws as well as successes because it’s part of being human. I’m not a strong, modern woman, and it’s difficult to change my thought patterns.

    LOL reminds me of the episode of Friends where Chandler has the sleep-hypnosis tapes telling him he was a strong, confident woman.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m well aware that most people aren’t even paying attention to me, but it’s hard to shake that. I feel like I’m constantly being judged. I’m trying to work through it, but it’s so hard.

      I never watched friends but that sounds funny.

      Like

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