I’m starting to feel mostly back to normal. Normal mood, normal feeling, normal productivity, normal everything. I went to the gym yesterday and got a good 2 mile run in. Well, intervals, but still. I’ve dialed back on the couch to 5k and am repeating day 3s on earlier weeks to get back into the swing of it before I tackle the upcoming longer runs. Taking that week or so off from the gym set me back, but not as far as I thought it would have. Now it’s just a matter of consistency going forward.
I got two new piercings last night – two forward helixes on my left ear. We have room for a third, which I’ll get at some point in the future. I’m running out of room on my ears to pierce without it looking cluttered. I had a tattoo appointment earlier this week — one more session to go on my floral half sleeve.
We’re staring down the barrel of some major life changes. In the next few months Mike is going to be changing careers completely. I don’t have details yet, at least none that I want to reveal, but the pressure is on to find a new job. At this point I’m thinking that everyone and their mother is hiring, should mean I should be able to find a new job easily, right? I hope so. But the pressure is on. The time in the evenings and my days off are going to be full of resumes, job postings, and cover letters.
My biggest problem is that I seem to sabotage myself. There’s always something I catch after the fact that I should have changed, or proofed, or done differently. My therapist and I have talked about strategies, and she thinks that I shouldn’t be quite as discriminating as I have been in applying for jobs. I mean, she’s right – what does it hurt to apply for more rather than less? It makes sense – the more that you apply for the more likely you are going to get a hit. We’ve also talked about, though, the fact that on the whole, women are more discriminating when applying for jobs than men. It goes back to the idea that men are more confident in the workforce than women typically are. We tend to not negotiate for salary, we tend to underestimate our accomplishments and skills, we tend to not fight for it like men do. Case in point – a male friend of mine was recently looking for a job. Bro literally applied for everything that came across Indeed. He got a lot of interviews and ended up quickly finding a new job. I’m trying to be like him, to have that mindset, but it goes against everything I’ve been taught and told.
But again, that goes all the way back to my childhood where I was always told to not be overly proud of my accomplishments because that’s hubris and that’s ego and that goes against God. Funny how I’ve been out of Catholicism for so long and yet I’m still hampered by the kind of crap that was drilled into my head by my very religious family.
I’m going to leave it there for today, I hope everyone has a great weekend. I’ll see you Sunday! Stay safe, friends!