mental health

Friendship and other thoughts

One of my closest friends is going to be moving back to the area after about a year and a half way sometime in the next month and a half or so. We’ve kept in touch, gotten together when she’s been in town, kept up with each other’s lives, etc. I’m super excited about her and her husband moving home. But it got me thinking – friendships and relationships are fucking weird.

You meet a person, and a lot of the times they come crashing into your life due to some circumstance (work, mutual friends, met randomly, whatever) and you just mutual decide that you’re both going to stick around and do stuff together. A number of the people that I’ve become very good friends with are people that at first blush I wouldn’t have ever even considered that they’d become so important in my life. But those have turned out to be the best friendships that I have. Sometimes we’ve bonded over hobbies or interests, some due to circumstance, and then there are the ones that there really seems to be no rhyme or reason to. Those are the ones that seem to come cannonballing into your life riding on a hurricane that you don’t see coming. And sometimes those are the best friendships.

I’ve talked about this at length with my therapist – I sometimes have a hard time accepting that people want to be in my life. People that I considered to be my friends in my late teens and early 20s were incredibly toxic, and in some cases just downright bad people. Because of those experiences I often have a hard time trusting people and letting people in. And I often find myself surprised that people that I consider to be good people want me in their lives and make time for me.

I guess it all ties back to low self-esteem and my own feeling that I’m not worth the effort. Still something that needs to be worked on, I guess. In the meantime I’m going to enjoy the excellent group of people that I’ve managed to surround myself with.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist this morning before work. She’s probably going to give me the business for not reaching out during the breakthrough depression. But honestly? I didn’t really realize what it was happening until it was just about over. I made it to the gym today – one of the final pieces of the wellness puzzle is falling back into place. Now I’ve just got to get my diet back under control and undo what the last six weeks have done. I feel better, I honestly do. I’m just trying to fit everything back into place and define what the new normal is.

I need to get back into the job search. I’m so bored at work it’s not even funny. It’s getting to the point where I’m just going through the motions. My performance isn’t suffering, but my heart just isn’t in it. The biggest part of the problem is that I’m not being challenged. And there’s not a lot that I can do about that. My boss claims that she’s going to help me move into a new position within a year, but I don’t know if I can wait that long. I certainly don’t want to wait that long since Mike’s ready to make a move as well.

I guess that’s it for today. I’ll leave it here for now. I hope everyone is having a great week. The weekend is closer than you think!

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