48 days until Christmas. I literally can’t believe we’re that close to the end of the year. We’re entering my least favorite part of the year. When I was growing up always meant stress around the house, everyone snapping at each other, being forced to spend time with family that I had nothing in common with – often having to listen to all of my “flaws” being listed (I was the weird one in the family, and it was a constant stream of “Why can’t you be more feminine?” or “Why can’t you be more like so-and-so instead of having your nose stuck in some weird book?”). Needless to say I hate the holidays and I hate forced family time. I’m still the one that no one in the family gets, and there’s still a string of these comments even today. In my lab days I’d often volunteer to work the holidays just to get out of spending it with my family.
There’s enough bullshit there to unpack to make up a series of posts and a handful of therapy sessions. Maybe we’ll revisit that later.
The first week back to work after vacation wasn’t bad. Busy. But overall not bad.
Obviously the big news is my interview tomorrow. I’m trying to not be nervous, but it’s not working. On the upside, I’m not dealing with the crushing anxiety and self deprecation that goes on usually. This appears to be just plain, old, run of the mill nervousness. As with any job, this could set the tone for the rest of my life. This job is actually in my field, with a major player in the health care industry where there’s a lot of potential for upward movement over the course of an employment with them. And at the end of the day, this is a job that I really want. So I’ve cleaned up my act for it — neutral nail polish, I’ve toned down my look a little, going a little straight. I’m still me, and it’s not like the way I normally look is offensive, but I want this job. If I have to change a few minor things to get there – like what kind of jewelry I wear – then so be it. I’m willing to do that.
It seems as though, to some extent, my sleep patterns have reset. Last night I got a solid 8 hours of sleep and woke up actually feeling rested. I’m hoping that that’s a trend going forward. I mean, I actually woke up before my alarm. Got some emails sent, the checkbook balanced, grocery order made, eyebrows plucked, and as soon as I’m done writing this post I’m going to dive into some interview prep before I get ready for work.
I’ll update tomorrow afternoon with thoughts on how it goes.
I hope everyone’s had a great weekend. Please send some positive thoughts my way that tomorrow goes well.